When I started the page 2 years ago I did it for so many reasons. I was still dealing with the death of my father, I was becoming more and more depressed and needed an outlet, and I felt lost and alone. There are other reasons, one of which was none of the pages I saw ever talked about non-verbal kids. Or about how as a parent of a child with a condition that requires you to stay home or spend all your time with them can be rewarding but also extremely lonely.
I know what you’re thinking, if you are always with your child, and constantly going between therapists how are you lonely? I spent most of my time driving around with a kid who often doesn’t even acknowledge I exist unless he needs, wants or is forced to do something.
Or, spending hours in therapy with him, still not exactly fulfilling your emotional needs. Then there are the long nights, even if your child is blessed to sleep, you sit up with crippling self-doubt wondering “ am I doing enough” or “what could I do better” maybe even “what did I do to deserve this because my sweet little baby didn’t do anything to deserve this” then there is the ever present, “what will happen to him if something happens to me”. All of these on repeat in your head causing insomnia on top of the complete exhaustion you already have. I found no one that talked about it, or about how lonely you feel when you’re going through it. Maybe they were out there but none of them were anywhere to be found when I was reaching out searching for someone who understood. I knew in my heart that I couldn’t be alone, even though sometimes the loneliness was simply crushing.
I guess after my dad died it was my version of a wake-up call, I suddenly stopped looking for someone who is more adult than me take over; I was the adult. It all just kind of hit home and came to the point where I had to prove to myself that I was not alone.
So, I started this page. I started it just as much for me as I did for people like me, people who felt that crushing loneliness and needed to know someone else to felt that way too. Today I want to remind you; you’re not alone, yes no one fights your battle. However, there are lots of people out there and while no one person is going to completely understand your struggle someone will at least get part of it.
I want to thank you for being part of our journey, for laughing along with us, and crying when we cry. Thanks for saying “I so get this” or even just hitting that like button. You have made me a better happier person, and I am better for having each of you in my life. (Except that one person reading this who is a jerk, you can stay away 😉 )
Here is this week’s comic