It’s funny how when you have kids songs suddenly take on new meanings. Even more, when you child is special needs and non-verbal or has trouble with words. I have written about it before (here). I have to say it happens a lot. I guess because I listen to a lot of music. This week I heard the song “When you say nothing at all” by Alison Krauss. She is amazing but not what I normally listen to. In fact, I am not sure how I even came across the song but there it was. The song starts out “It’s amazing how you can speak right to my heart. Without saying a word you can light up the dark. Try as I may I could never explain. What I hear when you don’t say a thing”
This made me think about Zach. About all the years when he couldn’t talk to me. I can never explain the pure joy he showed when we figured out what he needed or wanted. It wasn’t always easy some days there was complete despair. I felt when I failed him, he seemed to feel trapped in a world that didn’t understand him. It was so hard for both of us. Still, I could only imagine what he was going through. To go through so much time with so many ups and downs in his life must be hard for him. To wonder daily if today we would find a way to communicate or would his voice be locked inside?
There was one thing that never changed was his love. No matter how angry or frustrated he became I always knew he loved me and I hope that he knew he’s loved.
Now he has a voice, while he can’t always say exactly what he wants to say together, we are learning to communicate. There are days when words fail, little by little the words are coming. The days of frustration are now outnumbered by the joy filled days.
I have to admit that even when he can say nothing at all he still speaks volumes, usually quite loudly.