I am sitting in a hospital bed fighting for breath, my heart is racing and I am waiting for the Doctors to tell me what’s wrong. I already feel broken and then I get a message that one of the most darling boys I know died this week . Kreed and his family have been fighting hard for the last month, today, they lost that fight. He Left behind a hole that will never be filled. His parents have been fighting every day for years to find what was wrong, they fought for each test, tried every option and did everything they could to help their son. Even in his last days they filled his life with as much love and joy as they could. However, his tired body simply couldn’t fight anymore. Despite all their effort and copious amounts of love. To his famiIy I send love and light.
I guess I should explain why I am in the hospital. For a while now things have been harder and harder to do, I wrote it off to asthma and allergies. Then on Wednesday morning, I woke congested, with a little bit of a flutter in my chest. No biggie, it was a bit uncomfortable but nothing major. As the day progressed I got busy and put it on the back burner. It began to build, to become more intense and by nighttime I had taken quite a few pain Meds and felt well enough to sleep. I woke at 5 am, two hours earlier than normal. It was hard to catch my breath just sitting in bed. I started to cough, got up and nearly collapsed on the way to the bathroom. A few minutes later my husband woke up and I asked him to take me to he hospital. However, since I am a mom I can’t just get up and walk out. First, we have to wake the kids, thankfully my kids are not little anymore. Though that means they get up like teens… So and hour later I am out the door, leaving the older kids to care for Zach (the youngest at 13 but due to autism he is mentally closer to 6) and the hope that I would be back for dinner. I didn’t make it back for dinner. What I did was make a realization. I have been pushing me too hard. I have not visited a doctor in years, yes years, except to get a rescue inhaler at an urgent care center, or once to get antibiotics for what turned out to be pneumonia. This time however the cough was because of a virus, one that settled into my lungs. Which wouldn’t be a problem if I had been seeing a doctor and treating my asthma, if I had take a little time for me and my health. I see you over there wanting to click the button to go to another page. Give me a minute more please because while it doesn’t seem like much yet it is. You see this little virus put some fluid in my lungs. Again no problem until the fluid there causes pressure on my heart, causing it to kind freak out. I guess it doesn’t like being touched, it just proves Zach and I are related, he doesn’t like being touched and he is my heart. Hehe. Well my heart freaked a lot, my blood pressure (another thing that would probably have been caught if I were not too busy taking care of everyone and everything but me) shot up. My heart started to flutter and went into something called atrial fibrillation, which is a much bigger deal. I am sitting here Saturday night with my 4th IV ,because I am hard on IV‘s, trying to get my heart under control. I won’t go home again tonight or maybe tomorrow. If I don’t get this under control they want to put me to sleep and shock my heart to a regular rhythm, and I admit I am scared. My neglecting me has put me here. It has made it so my heart is broken and I can’t breathe. It could still cost me my life. I promise my husband, my kids and most of all myself that I will follow up. I will make those appointments, I will see the doctors and stop putting me last, because I can’t pour from an empty cup. However, I can and break one by taking more than it can give. Then where would my rum go?
P.s. The minion this week showed up on my Facebook in one of the comments and was posted by Kathryn Hogan. She added the words at the bottom as a way to wish me well. For the image, the credit goes to DinoTomic who is amazing!
P.p.s. I agreed to do the kickstart just now. So I have a theme song for this week.
p.p.p.s. The staff here is amazing, they put up with me, offered to make a place for Zach if I need them to and most of all they have gone above and beyond to make sure I feel safe and comfortable. (more on this next week). Special thanks to Kayla and Jennifer who have made this bearable.
This week’s comic-