Minion Monday – I don’t want to pretend my way through another day.

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I don’t want to pretend my way through another day.

This Thanksgiving was the first without my father.
The first in my entire life, and I am old, trust me.
(but don’t ask how old)

It was as joyful as all of the others, my mother and brother came to visit (I never see my brother so this was a treat).
We had the normal foods, minus the pea salad my father loved instead we had a new Broccoli salad my mother made it was YUM!

We did the same things we normally do.
(though this year I had a gluten attack so I was a bit slow)

We pretend it was just another holiday.
That nothing was different.

That is what we do.

This year one of my nearest and dearest friends managed to make it.
Having him here made things a little easier, he sat with me later that day after everyone had gone to bed, and held my hand while I cried and he pretended not to notice.

We made it through the day.
And the next.
Just as I have been doing since my father died.

I have decided that he wouldn’t want me to live like that.
I can no longer go through each day just existing.
I don’t want to pretend my way through another day.
He wouldn’t want me ready to burst into tears at the drop of a hat or a glance at the picture from my wedding where I am kissing his cheek.

He would want me to live, to be happy, to accept the gift of life.

So, as of today I am going to smile when my kids start fighting, because they are here, and together to fight.
(not to mention that will confuse the heck out of them!)

I will be happy when I have to run to the store for another package of the only food Zach will eat this week.

I will giggle when my kids slam the door to their room. After all I have kids to do that, because we have a house where they can have rooms with doors to slam when so many don’t.

I will not curse (too loudly) when I have to clean up one more spilled drink or plate of food because I have food and drink to spill.

I will get up and fight with my kids to make their beds, do their chores and complete every bit of school work because I want to give the joy that comes from having a clean home and for them to know success.

From this day forward I will rejoice in every fight, yell or mess just as much as I rejoice in each and every triumph.

Because I was given the gift of life, and so far no one has taken it away from me.

So, while I am here to live, I am going to. I will enjoy as much of my life as I can.

That is what my Father would want.
This is what I want.

This is the picture of me kissing him at my wedding.

This is the picture of me kissing him at my wedding.

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