Hey you, yes you, the mom, dad, aunt, uncle, grandparent, the sister, cousin, whoever you are reading this.
I give you permission to hate autism.
I hate that it, it took my bright bubbly son’s voice and left me with a sad, frustrated nonverbal boy.
Autism gives me meltdowns, sometimes meltdowns that make him hurt me, or himself.
Autism took his health, he went from eating every food I gave him veggies, fruits, whole grains.. frankly he was glad to put anything I gave him in his mouth.
Now unless it looks like a cheeseburger, bagel, grilled cheese, french fry, cracker, chip or a gummy it is not going near his face.
F-U Autism for taking our sleep for YEARS until we finally found a magic formula of weighted blanket, melatonin, the right drinks during the day along with the perfect temp and the perfect background noise.
Hey AUTISM YOU SUCKED when it took him until he was 8 freaking years old to potty train.
Oh and Autism, the regression thing, yeah you can shove that too!!
The part where he doesn’t understand my dad is dead? yeah that part sucks too because he just kinda wonders where he is, and when he is coming again..
I also want to include the running away bit, I mean really can’t you at least let him understand the world is not a big safe place.. there are things that can hurt or kill him, it would be nice if you would just let him see that okay?
Oh and the fear that he is always going to need help to make it through a day, or that no one will be there to care for him if we are gone. Autism you can take that back too.
All of you reading this, go ahead, be mad at autism.
Just don’t be mad at you, or the autistic person in your life. You didn’t invite autism to the party. No one asked it to come home.
I love my son. I don’t love his autism.
He is the the sweet wonderful loving little boy. He is the sneaky little one who says “nothing” in that adorable sing song voice when he gets caught doing something he thinks he shouldn’t.
He is the sweetie who tucks me back in when he knows I am sick because he thinks “go sleep, feel better” will make me feel better. Then comes in every few minutes to ask me to come play.
He is the reason I get up in the morning and the reason I stay awake way too late at night.
I know he is more than autism. He has autism, he isn’t autism.
So go ahead hate it with me. Wish it would pack it’s bags and leave your kid alone. I do. Yes I would take my son’s autism away. Hell yes I would send it packing with all the crap that comes with it.
I would give him a normal(ish) life without the scary stuff that comes with autism. I would give back his voice, and let him eat food because he wants to try it and not be afraid of the color, texture or smell. I would make it so he could run and play and ride his bike without fear that he will run into the road, or run off in a store and never return. I would take away the fear that he will die homeless, alone and afraid because there is no one there to take care of him when I die.
Just to set the record straight. I don’t hate my son.
As a matter of fact I feel blessed to have him in my life.
However, I wish autism would let him go.