Minion Monday – A letter to Anonymous
Every other day (sometimes more often) I hear someone frustrated, upset or hurt by the unkind words of someone else. Usually by someone who has no idea what that persons life is really like.
While some are the well meaning people who are really just trying to help, which I appreciate.
Then there are the ones who think they know better than you and HAVE to tell you they know better than you, they make me a bit nuts (yes I am already nuts this is a new level of nuts), but are generally harmless.
Then there are the people who know nothing.. they just want to hurt others, they hide behind the anonymous facade the internet can offer. These people need to remember that if you have to hide who you are maybe you should not be saying it at all.
Recently one of my favorite people on the planet, Becca from Sincerely Becca got just such a mail message from an “an anonymous address” telling her that her “refusal to accept autism as a gift” has effected her son by “of course already caused massive and major depression and an inability to feel happiness”.
I know Becca, she adores her son, she loves him with her whole heart.
Her son depressed? Not even.. He dances, sings, creates and is a joy to be near.
She like every other mom, celebrates his successes and worries about his problems. She like every good parent worries, and hates to see her son struggle. She sees him as the gift. Autism just comes with that package.
Just because our kids are not what we expected or hoped prior to them joining our lives doesn’t mean we love them any less.
While we wish that they didn’t have to fight that fight. We do not love them any less because of it.
What kind of parent wants their kid to struggle?
I wish each of my kids didn’t have to fight their fights, even the ones who do not have autism. I wish I could fill their world with success and happiness.
Does this make me a bad parent? No! It makes me a loving parent.
I want them to grow and be loved, and have friends.
Does this cause distress in my kids? Ha! not even.
Celebrating our kids successes along with the worry of what is going to happen next is just part of the gift of having kids, any kid. While most parents get cuddles, kisses, and hugs. Kids who dance and love stories and songs. Who have birthdays parties filled with friends and holidays laced with excitement and joy, first dates, first kisses or winning or loosing for that matter in a team sport.
Some are not able to cuddle, or kiss and hugs are torture. Would you wish that could go away? Some of our kids will never know that first date, or the first kiss or the joy of scoring in a sport.*
Some kids fight that fight EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
As parents we do look for and celebrate that. We have to look twice as hard some days but we do, because if we didn’t we would have given up long ago. Do we want to fight that fight? No, but we do because they do. We are there right along side our kids holding their hands when we can or carrying them when they can’t continue. Some days we just lay near them to tell them hey, we are still here. Others we sit in the dark and cry just like they do.
I never want my kids to hurt not for a second. To have your child so frustrated that all he can do is hurt himself or rock and cry is heart breaking. You want so badly to make that go away. It is not about taking away who they are it is about making their life BETTER.
We live this life, you have not been through the sorrow and the pain. You have not been the one quietly crying in the dark when you child finally sleeps after days on end. You are now so exhausted after attempting to keep him safe from harm by sitting with him through all those sleepless hours, yet. you still can’t sleep because you know any minute he could wake up and start again.
We still smile at that calm face when they do finally sleep.
We still giggle when they bounce on our beds way too early each and every morning.
We hold each smile, every “I love you” (no matter how they “say” it) and each hug as something more precious than the Hope Diamond, because simply that is our joy. That is our hope and that is what keeps us going EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Next time dear, Anonymous you feel the need to be-little or comment on someone else’s life I hope you remember this. The tired, sometimes lost and often overwhelmed parents that are here on our pages and blogs, trying to find some connection, someone who gets it, someone who wants to say “Hey, I have been there too.” We love our kids just as much if not more than the average parent because we fight so hard with and for our kids. Also, keep in mind that we are human. We cry, we hurt and love too, so we don’t need or want anymore pain in our lives.
So Anonymous write your opinion down on some paper and fold it to all corners and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine, because you do not and never will live someone else’s life and have no right to tell us what we feel.
Oh, if you feel the need to tell someone something, and that thing makes you think you have to HIDE who you are to make that statement. Maybe, just maybe you should reconsider. If you do not feel it is something you want associated with your name, do you really think it should be said?
Moms and Dads everywhere.
*yes I know not all autistic kids will not have these things in their lives, autism is a spectrum some have it easier than others these are examples that is all.