Minion Monday – A letter from me to Zach

Print Friendly

My darling son,

I write each week mostly about you on this page, it is sometimes about your autism but more about how amazing I think you are. Make no mistake I do think you are amazing.

I know you have a hard time with lots of things but you work hard to do so much, always with a smile on your face. Earlier this week I had a pity party for me. I broke down crying because you might never leave home. That I would spend all my life caring for you and never have a day off from that again. First of all I want to say I realized that years ago, until now it never really made me cry. Even though I realized this years ago. I searched for an answer as to why this time my brain just decided to cry.

Finally it dawned on me,  you are 12 almost 13, and pretty darn good at taking care of yourself.

I am extremely proud that you can feed, care for; even keep yourself mostly happy and under control all the time. I never fear violent outbursts anymore. I know you will have eaten because you will make whatever you want to eat when you get hungry. You are more than able to wash and dress yourself.  Even if you need reminders (but what child doesn’t?).

I know that as long as you have a computer, iPad and internet you can do all the thing you want to do. Even make amazing maps and levels for numerous games.

With all this awesomeness you have going. Still I know you will need someone to buy food for you, drive for you and clean up with you. While I no longer worry that you will wander away from home. Still places outside of that safe haven, make you want to explore, regardless of the dangers. I know that you don’t always remember to look for cars, or watch where you are walking. That if you got lost you would not know how to get back home and that words would escape you.

I also realize there are days when I am just tired, days when I feel like I just want a nap, or to relax. This was one of those days, and you were in full moon madness mode. So my brain picked this day to cry.

I am sorry.

I remember baby boy, that being you is hard, and being your mom is an amazing privilege. The love you give the joy you bring to our whole family is a true blessing, and I am grateful to be your mom.
Yet I am a bit guilty of now and then wanting you to grow up, have a semi normal life. To have the time most parents look forward to, to have their kids grow up, leave home and have time to do things just for me.

Just know little man, that I have not even once regretted being your parent, not even for half a second. I have always loved you, even mid meltdown. Even when you would barely sleep for months on end. Even when you made messes, or hit me. No matter how bad your frustration has been; I have ALWAYS been glad to be your mom.

I must ask you, please forgive me to once or twice breaking down and crying, I am only human and as amazing as you are. Still some days it is hard for both of us.

Love always,

Mom

Love it? Share!

8 comments for “Minion Monday – A letter from me to Zach

  1. June 8, 2015 at 6:56 AM

    Hugs! Hugs! Hugs!

    • Hardly Bored
      June 8, 2015 at 11:04 AM

      Thank you! I cried so hard writing this but it was the good kind of cry, the one that leaves you feeling better at the end.

  2. June 8, 2015 at 12:27 PM

    Oh my so much love to you! Such an honest post <3

    • Hardly Bored
      June 8, 2015 at 6:34 PM

      Thank you! You already know I adore you too!

  3. Katie Garrett
    June 8, 2015 at 6:38 PM

    I love, love, love this letter to your son. To me it feels like something I would have wrote to my son Tyler. He too is autistic. He’s high functioning, loves the computer, creates games and loves pixel art. He has his own command center with his computers and electronics! And his iPad and phone of course! I just wanted to say that I can relate and that we have a point where we break down and cry about our kids and the worries that come with them. Especially mothers that have autistic children. You hear about what’s on the news with autistic kids wandering off and getting hurt or worse. We worry about their wellbeing, their time at school, if their being bullied and so on. We worry about being able to just get a break sometimes for ourselves. Believe me I can relate to that. But at the same time they make our hearts melt because of their amazing capabilities. Even though society deems autistic kids as disabled, as their mothers we see them as different, not less with amazing minds. They are our kids and we love them so much. Always. Thank you, that letter was beautiful.

    • Hardly Bored
      June 8, 2015 at 6:44 PM

      Katie, Thank you. It is hard some times, it is equally rewarding too though! I do feel blessed even as I worry, even as I cry. I know world sucks, I worry for my non autistic kids too! I am grateful to be a parent to each and every one of my kids. Thank you for showing me I am not alone in this. I hope Tyler knows he has an awesome Mom.

      • Katie Garrett
        June 8, 2015 at 8:06 PM

        Aww, thank you for that. Your an amazing mom as well. And your Zach seems like an awesome boy. My son Tyler is 10 as well as my stepson Tommy, my daughter Emily who is my angel baby in heaven and my daughter Madison who is turning 13 next month. She’s officially a teenager and it scares the you-know-what out of me. I’m so lucky to have my kids but at the same time your right the world can suck and be a very worrisome place. If you ever want to talk email me anytime it’s katiecakes407@gmail.com. I’m on Twitter too.

        • Hardly Bored
          June 8, 2015 at 10:00 PM

          hehe thanks but you might want to remove your email from that one you are opening yourself to LOTS of spam! you can always find me on https://www.facebook.com/hardlybored

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)